Guest Post by Motivated Sista
I’m open to dating interracially simply because I can.
I’m not trying to be facetious. Even though I went to an HBCU for undergrad, I was never a woman who thought I should only date men from my own race. I just assumed, erroneously, that men of other races weren’t interested in black women. That assumption was reinforced by being in an environment like an HBCU campus in the south – a place where the only men you generally interact with look just like you. Also, some of my guy friends would occassionally comment that their white friends would have sex with black women (they heard in locker room talk… which locker room, I wonder?) but didn’t want to have serious relationships with us. I assumed that those guys were right, and since I didn’t get any play from men who weren’t black, assumed that other men didn’t find me attractive. That is, until I moved to DC.
I think the combination of moving to a new geographic area, being open to meeting new people and having new experiences opened my eyes to a few things. One being the number of women here who actively date interracially, and two, the number of men who are attracted to women of other races. What I find is that, the more I explore this area and all the culture it has to offer, the more I meet men of other races. But when I’m in a routine rut – only going to familiar clubs, parts of town, movie theatres etc – I don’t come across diverse men who also date interracially. I assume its like this in your city too – clubs have a ‘hip hop’ night, or certain establishments in certain neighborhoods are where you and your fellow Crazy Girls frequent, but you rarely step outside of those familiar places, where everyone looks just like you. Well, just like you can’t find different men there, they can’t find you if you’re not in their environment either.
This “just because I can” attitude has transferred to other things for me too, like taking salsa lessons, participating more in adventure activities like rock climbing, camping, horseback riding and hiking, and finding new restaurants to try. From talking to my girlfriends, it seems that those of us who are open to dating interracially are also open to exploring things we’ve never experienced before. To me, its more of a desire to live the most full and rich life possible. Why restrict yourself to anything – when you can experience everything?
My grandmother may have been limited to only dating men of a certain race, but I’m not. I’m also not judging present-day men on the actions that men committed during history. We’re not restricted from pursuing anything these days by our gender and we’re not restricted by our race. So why impose these restrictions on ourselves willingly? Also, why allow others to place those restrictions on you? One thing that I’ve learned from men is that dating is a numbers game. In order to maximize my numbers and make sure I’m including all the wonderful, quality men who want to date me, I’m not turning anyone down because of the color of his skin. Just like I eat M&Ms of all colors, I date men of all races. And if you’re determined to only date certain men, move over Crazy Girl, because if he’s available and he’s cute then I’m not opposed!
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Amen! Amen! Amen!
Great post, MotivatedSista. I, too, am in an interracial relationship simply because I *can* be. My attitude is that love, values, ideology and everything else in a relationship transcend color, so if I like a guy and am attracted to him, why NOT be with him? I completely agree that those of us who don’t let ourselves be burdened with all the rules of what “a black person should/shouldn’t do” just have more fun in life. We get to experience the joy of other cultures, travel, do any hobby we want to, wear our hair any way we want to (lol), etc. That’s because we aren’t constantly worrying that we aren’t “black enough” or that others will say we’re “not black enough.” We’re just out there…living life. The way it should be. “Black people” are just people! Live life to the fullest!
.-= Velour´s last blog ..Polygamy as a Solution to Black Women’s Single Status? =-.
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