Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m falling apart. No, not losing-my-mind-about-to-run-naked-through-the-grocery-store-singing-Michael-Jackson’s-greatest-hits-at-the-top-of-my-lungs-falling-apart. Just struggling to get normal everyday things done like check my email, turn in various paperwork, and do my homework while not freaking out about what I’m going to do after graduation.
You see, I know what I want, but it’s just so pie-in-the-sky 1 in 100 million of a chance of it happening that it takes a lot of inner calmness to tell people my plan after school and not wonder if the person speaking the words coming out of my mouth is living on the same planet as everyone else. Let’s take a peek into my world to show you what I mean:
Friend at school: “So what are you going to do after school?”
Me: “Pursue being a self-help writer, talk show host, and documentary filmmaker. Duh!”
Friend: “How are you going to support yourself?”
Me: *crickets chirping* *tumbleweeds blowing* *person in the background coughs* “Want to go to lunch?”
Friend: “I can’t. I have a job interview to prepare for.”
Me: “Good luck! Be sure to tell them you have a domestic partner named Kaneisha who will be signing on to your health insurance plan!”
You see, I could get a job. I’d be good at PR, Advertising, teaching, anything where I can give presentations and brainstorm and help people solve problems with creativity. I could even work for myself. I know I’m good at that and that I enjoy it. But it isn’t my dream just to work for myself. I want to touch peoples’ hearts and minds around the world. I want to make people laugh–and make people cry (not by punching them in the neck, but by really touching a special place in their heart). I want to help people give voice to their dreams, help them work through their relationship problems, and pursue their passions. I want to tell stories–lots of stories, and I want people to actually listen to me.
To clarify my vision for myself, I even made a new vision board!
One of my best friends here at school (let’s call her Lady L) and I have had lunch together two days in a row. We are both ENFPs–which means we hate any job where we feel unimportant and have to deal with too many minute details. We also hate cleaning our rooms and paying bills. Anyway, she understands me and my quest to pursue my passion, and she really (verbally) slapped some sense into me over the last two days! Here is a summary of her advice to me over the last two days:
“Listen, you have to give yourself time to pursue your dream full time. Don’t play around with all this side business stuff. You’re going to be spinning your wheels and end up in the same place four months later if you don’t dedicate yourself to trying to make it with all your effort and energy. You say you have money saved up. Give yourself a concrete milestone–something you need to have achieved within 4 months or 6 months. Then, go after it with everything you’ve got! You’ll always wonder ‘what if?’ if you don’t give it your full effort. You have what it takes! You have to believe that it can happen–and then focus on doing what you need to get done!”
Whew! Lady L’s verbal slap left my spirit stinging with inspiration! She passionately verbalized what my boyfriend has been telling me exasperatedly for the last six months and what I’ve been telling myself (and then doubting) for the last six months. It was exactly what I needed to hear. This is my last semester of school. I need to take care of business.
Now that I’ve been slapped…How I’m going to take care of business:
1. Get my own talk show! That’s right, CrazyGirls! With the encouragement of my girl Shadiah, I have finally signed up to have my own live call-in show on Cambridge Community Television. It will be called Kaneisha’s CrazyGirl Nation–just like the blog–and will be 30 fabulous minutes full of advice on love, happiness, and pursuing your dreams. I’ll answer questions live from around the nation and have lots of fun guests (meaning my attractive friends from Harvard who also like to see themselves on television). I’m really excited about it!
Soon, you’ll be able to watch the show live here Wednesdays at 6:30 pm Eastern time. If you live in Cambridge, you can watch the show on Channel 9 and you can call into the show at 617-876-0055. Just remember to call in during my actual show time–or you’ll be talking to someone else!
My plan is to harness the almighty geekmaster powers of my dad to convert the recordings of my show to post them on the blog as well as have material for a demo reel.
2. Get my headshots done. I have put off getting headshots for way too long. I keep saying that I’ll take them when I get more toned, but enough is enough. I called a photographer today and got a quote. I thought headshots cost thousands of dollars! Not so. So I’ll be calling around and plan to complete my session by March 10th. Hold me accountable, CrazyGirls!
3. Complete and send out my book proposal. Months ago, I poured my heart into writing a book proposal for a dating book–but I never wrote the sample chapters for the book proposal! I plan to have first drafts of two sample chapters by March 10th and have a shiny complete book proposal to send out by April 15th.
Well, that’s enough super-ambitious goal-making for now. It’s time to eat dinner and paint with my girl Madame B.
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
Wow…this is so brave. I was really touched by your friend’s advice to forget the side business stuff and pursue your dreams full time. I know it takes a lot of courage, especially when you’re in an environment where everyone is pursuing the same 2 or a few tracks. Have you found much resistance with people at school or are they just surprised to hear what you’re planning for life post b-school?
@Ope: Actually, everyone at school is very supportive of my choosing to pursue my dreams after school. There are definitely my mentors who are concerned about how I will support myself, and they are helping me think through how I can balance the intrinsic rewards of pursuing my passion with the extrinsic rewards of being able to pay my bills! One day at a time, as my grandma says…
Wow. Powerful stuff and really inspiring.
I’m going to get off my ass and start working on my vision board now.
@Skye Blue: Snap a picture of your vision board once you have it ready so we can all see it and be inspired!
Here are $150 headshots: http://www.stagesource.org/pages/22445_headshot_days.cfm
Based on my disaster encounter with a photographer who didn’t know about headshots, here are a few things to remember:
-8X10 format (do not shoot in 2:3 ratio)
-we should be able to see at least down to your chest area
-you need your ultimate headshot in high resolution as well as web-sized version
Keep pursuing!