Life is not about doing what other people think you should do. It’s about becoming more your true self everyday and finding ways to commune with the divinity that exists in everyone. We all achieve this state in different ways, and we are given hundreds of choices every single day to dig deeper into ourselves to become more ourselves or to look externally for validation and direction and become even more lost. By making decisions to pursue the opportunities the right way, you can get better at being your authentic self and a happier person. In this post, I introduce you to a series of questions you can ask yourself to help you figure out when to accept an opportunity and when to pass it up. You can use these questions when making small decisions (like where you should eat lunch or whether to accept a party invitation) and when making big decisions (like whether to pursue a relationship or accept a job).
How to Say No to an Opportunity: Questions to Ask Yourself
1. What am I being offered or asked to do? Too often, we do not look closely enough at what exactly we are being offered or asked to do. A new promotion sounds exciting, but you should not automatically accept the position. It’s important to understand what exactly is involved in taking advantage of that opportunity. Another example is a friend offers you two free tickets to the opera. However, you prefer movies over the opera, don’t feel like dressing up, and had planned to drink wine and swap stories with a group of girlfriends that night. Even though free tickets to an expensive event sound wonderful, you have to shell out money for an outfit, for parking, and stand up your girlfriends. When you consider all those things, the opportunity doesn’t seem quite as appealing.
2. Do I really want what I am being offered or want to do what I am being asked to do? Do you want the responsibilities that the new job entails? The longer hours? Being separated from your friends and peers? Don’t let flattery or excitement about something make you move too hastily when thinking through whether or not to pursue an opportunity. Sometimes an opportunity looks great at face value and turns out to be made up a lot of things you don’t actually like.
3. Is there a way to maximize what I want from the opportunity and minimize what I don’t want? Not all opportunities or offered are fixed. There’s often room for negotiation and adjustment. Sticking with the example of the job promotion, you could negotiate certain project emphasis, working from home one day a week, or some other elements that make the opportunity as close as possible to what your heart really desires.
4. After taking out the elements I don’t like about the opportunity and emphasizing the elements that I like most, is it still the same opportunity? If you look at your job, and wish that you could keep your salary, your friends from work, and the long Friday lunches but you wish you could leave behind the meetings, the tedious assignments, and the uninspiring atmosphere, then you probably don’t even want that job anymore and certainly don’t want to get entrenched even further. It may be time to reassess how you can adjust your role at work to figure out how to make your job a better match for your skills and passions—or it may just be time to look for another job. Don’t just lump an opportunity together. Pick it apart and look at all its parts. Do you want most of what the opportunity is made of—or only a few parts of it?
Not all opportunities are perfect. Most opportunities will come with undesirable elements attached to them. The key is to figure out how much of those undesirable elements you are willing to tolerate to get the good things you want from the opportunity. No matter how appealing an opportunity may seem, you may realize it’s not a match for you overall if you dig deep into the opportunity and into your own heart. It’s hard to turn down things that are free or dangling right in front of you. However, your time, energy, and money are limited and you should treat them as precious resources—not something you give away to the highest bidder or the first thing that comes along. Whether it’s a great guy pursuing you to be his woman, a high-paying prestigious job, or the opportunity to travel on business with your company, make sure that you don’t just grab every opportunity. Make sure it’s something you actually want!
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{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
This post spoke to my heart! I am often made to feel bad about making “selfish” choices about my time, how I spend it, and whom I spend it with. Not being bullied into activities and events that I don’t want to go to is a natural talent that I feel blessed to have. Thanks for the reaffirming post
@JJ: I’m glad the post helped confirm the beliefs you already are great at practicing. That’s one of the things I most admire about you!
This post could’nt have come at a better time in my! An opportunity has recently come to surface for me to continue my education and go to grad school, this is great, but as an undergrad social work student I feel I need experience in this field and would like to just work and gain that experience, but everyone around me is speaking of the economy being bad, there are no jobs, and im not going to make any money. Im only 22 and would like to work and get the experience I need to become a better social worker. This was a sign!
Thank you
@Shantelle: I’m so happy this post was helpful to you! Follow what your own heart tells you to do. Make your decisions out of love and not fear and you can never go wrong. Thanks for reading!
Kaneisha,
Great post! I used to have a really hard time saying no. Consequently, I was always overbooked, socially and at work. Although I didn’t want to be, occasionally, I was a flake. The only person I regularly denied was me, when I needed time to relax. I was always tired.
Then I learned that your yes means something only if you can say no.” By saying no more often, I had the time and energy to carry through my commitments. I’m a better friend (and happier employee) for it. My friends know that I’ll come through for them, and if I say no, I thought it through first.
Great point about your yes only being as valuable as your no. I love that line! I’m still working on saying no more!
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