One of the biggest turn-ons to a guy is a confident, happy, independent woman. However, even those of us who think of ourselves as fabulous, accomplished women can act needy and clingy sometimes. Here are some tactics to use when you think that you are being too needy with your man.
5 Ways to be less needy:
1. Treat calling your boyfriend like candy. I’ve said it a million times, and I’ll say it again. Men do not like talking on the phone as much as women do. Rather than picking up the phone and calling your boyfriend several times a day or whenever you feel like it, treat calling your boyfriend like a decadent treat—something to be indulged in every once and awhile but not to be enjoyed so often as to ruin the specialness of it. When you let your boyfriend call you, you are sure to have his full attention and to give him plenty of time to miss you. The next time you feel a nagging feeling to call your boyfriend, treat it like a candy craving. Is there something you can use to substitute calling your boyfriend to satisfy the craving? Such as…
2. Call a girlfriend, an aunt, or grandma, or some other woman who likes talking on the phone. Sometimes we feel like calling our boyfriends just to gab, and that is a complete waste of your boyfriend-calling credits. You will come off as needy, erode the mystique that drew the guy to you in the first place, and probably end up trying to keep him on the phone longer than he wants to be. If you simply must talk to someone, call a fellow woman and pour your heart out.
3. Journal. The best person to help you solve your problems is often yourself. Rather than running to your friends, parents, or boyfriend whenever you have a problem, take time to journal about it and reflect upon the situation. Is there something you can do right now to fix the problem? Is it really even a problem at all? Light a candle, put on some great Brazilian music, and start journaling away! You’ll feel much better, and get all your feelings out on paper rather than burdening someone else with your anxieties.
4. Don’t talk to your guy when you are really tired, stressed, or depleted. The men in our lives want to be there for us when we are in need of support. Unfortunately, the way most men want to be there for us is to “fix” the problem—rather than listen to us pour our hearts out like we’d like to do. This results in the two of you being very frustrated with one another. You don’t think he’s listening, and he thinks you’re just whining. Rather than turning to your guy when you are absolutely drained of energy, take time for yourself to take a bath, read a magazine, and just relax. Men are more than happy to give us the space we need when we are stressed or tired. The problem is that we often don’t take the time and space to rejuvenate ourselves. It is not your guy’s job to keep you happy and fulfilled. That’s your job.
5. Don’t fish for compliments and reassurance. I am infamous for fishing for compliments from my boyfriends. It’s not that I have low self-esteem or doubt their feelings for me. It’s just that it feels so good to hear them say nice things! (My love language is words of affirmation!) Even if it feels great to have your boyfriend say wonderful things about you every single day, it feels even better for him to say them whenever he is moved to do so. Although fishing for compliments may seem all in good fun to you, it makes you come off as needy and bossy. Don’t do it!
I have lots of other suggestions for how we CrazyGirls can be less needy, but I’d like to hear your ideas. I know I could use the advice!
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I love LOVE journaling… its great to look back and see how far you’ve come, and its a great way to NOT annoy your friends with talking about how great your guy is, how NOT great he is (lol), and you can be private and mushy, and you’re the only one who knows about it…
@Anilia: I’ve really been neglecting my journaling. I hope I can pick it up again. I think it will really help me re-focus!
My bf and I recently started doing a “mid-day” phone call to check out momentarily from the hassles of work and tell each other lovely things. It sorta just happened naturally — it was like a sign of getting to the “next level,” I think, and it made us very excited! So…sometimes he doesn’t call me, and all I want to do is call him or email him some “did you forgeeeet about meee” note. BUT I sit tight and accept that he might be busy that day. He always later recognizes that he wished he coulda called, but couldn’t. So instead of sounding NEEDY and annoyed that he didn’t, I just move on! The last thing I want to do is turn this special call time into a CHORE!
Great advice Kaneisha. I wish I had heard about the whole phone call as candy thing when I was a young’un.
Anyway, the one piece of advice I can add to your list is this: Girls let your man spend time with his boys on his own – without whining about it. That is the number one thing I hear my guy friends complaining about.
I think a lot of we women think that when a man has free time and he doesn’t choose it with us, it’s a sign he’s not as connected/into us as we’d like him to be. But the truth is everybody needs some time to kick it with their friends once in a while, and your man’s desire to hang with his boys isn’t necessarily an indication that he doesn’t enjoy spending time with you. So just relax and he’ll be back soon enough, because Lord knows his boys can’t do for him like you do.
@Skye Blue: Well put! If a man doesn’t spend enough time with his friends, he’ll start resenting you–or making up excuses to get away from you! You don’t want that! Plus–you need time alone and with your girls! Let him have his man time as well!