Comments on: Why So Many Fabulous Black Women are Lonely

By: Letter to a Fabulous and Confused Woman

Letter to a Fabulous and Confused Woman — Sun, 08 Jan 2012 19:33:08 +0000

[...] the means to accomplish it, so (most of the time), I don’t fear being one of the “Black women who will never find love.” Why? Because I’ve learned to open my heart to good men in whatever color they come [...]

By: Lauren

Lauren — Tue, 28 Sep 2010 20:02:33 +0000

Maybe, if Black women were’nt taking care of everyone else in the Black community, and trying to prove to Black men how “down” and “loyal” we are for them. Maybe if we actually acknowledge the fact that we are Black AND female-not just Black (which was always bashed in our heads), and didnt’ allow for our identity to be defined through Black men. Maybe, if we re-tapped into our own identity as women and the power of the night. It amazes me how we talk about how “Black men are enjoying their lives.” Of course they are. When have they ever been taught to ensure that Black women were alright, not stressed, and all that? Yet, we have been taught to make sure that their issues and struggles are taken care of, and that we “stand by our man.” Yet, why wasn’t such reciprocated? Why is their least amount of concern for Black women, concerning her pains, struggles, hurts? Black women are NOT the problem. The horrendous atmosphere and ideologies which like to belittle women are the problem! The problem is also the validation of womanhood, by if we have a man or not. The problem is that the art of intertwining with feminine energies in love, healing and understanding has been repressed. The problem is that men are valued more than women in this society, and the hierarchy continues when adding race. The problem is that Black women need to STOP being loyal to ingratitude and the leech-mentality-demanding her energy, but not willing to replenish. The problem is that if Black women REALLY REALLY were to “live our lives,” the Black community would condem her, because that means a loss of privileges, and a re-evaluation of how she has been horrendously mistreated! Period.

By: Kaneisha

Kaneisha — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 04:01:25 +0000

That’s what one of my guy friends from the South keeps telling us!

By: Kaneisha

Kaneisha — Sun, 14 Mar 2010 17:28:59 +0000

Kim: What a wonderful idea! There’s nothing like success stories to motivate and inspire people. I’m going to see what I can do about that. Thanks for reading!

By: Kim Campbell

Kim Campbell — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 00:18:33 +0000

I think profiles of HAPPY black women in healthy relationships with all kinds of men would be an awesome blog series Kaneisha. May be interesting and helpful to see the outlook of women who are fabulous and not single.

By: Kaneisha

Kaneisha — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 06:33:06 +0000

@Kwame: Let’s be more gentle with Helena. I think that what comes off as her “bad attitude” could also be understood as accumulated disappointments. If there was something that you felt you had worked really hard for and deserved but were denied, wouldn’t you complain loudly about it too? I do very much hope that she tries “something new,” but I know that you and I don’t exactly agree in that arena.

By: kwame

kwame — Fri, 29 Jan 2010 20:06:44 +0000

concur w/Vicki. Helena needs to get over herself. With that attitude she deserves to be alone. kzs

By: sxyscientst

sxyscientst — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 16:20:05 +0000

According to the last U.S census black marriages are increasing and are at an all time high since 1970. We should feel positive about our prospects.

Statistics aside, I understand that dating is hard in large cities for everyone, not just black women. However, Helena makes me sad. She is hiding behind her accomplishments and not pushing the things that really matter to the forefront. Being successful doen not make up for being unpleasant and shallow.

Another fact, 50% of the entire population of black men are in the south east united states and the other 50% is spread throughout the rest of the country. If you want a black man, move to the south!

By: Kaneisha

Kaneisha — Tue, 29 Dec 2009 04:49:00 +0000

@Prosechild: You’re right! I would love to hear more (true) stories of professional Black women who have found true love and marriage–with a Black man or otherwise. Some of my closest friends at school serve as my example, and it makes me very happy to see them with their husbands and ask them 100 questions about their relationship!

By: Prosechild

Prosechild — Wed, 23 Dec 2009 22:39:37 +0000

I really liked this post. As for myself, I don’t look approachable, don’t go out enough and don’t dress for men. I’m working on it though! Having an evening work schedule doesn’t help but like I said, I’m working on it….

Now I know the ‘type’ of woman that Andrews is, and they’re rampant here in DC. I’m not one of those fabulous, always perfectly coiffed and fashionably dressed, must always been seen types of women that live here. That being said, its a tough place to be single, and I have several non black girlfriends who are single too. Because there are so many accomplished people, we all tend to use our accomplishments as a shield for our insecurities. Thats what I feel like Helena does, from the WP article… like how she laughs that she has to roll down Cornrow’s window…. why would she go out with someone she would scoff at? I’m just sayin…

I wouldn’t say that Andrews is doing a disservice, b/c there are honestly black women here (and I assume every Big City USA) like her and her friends… we just need to hear more stories of women who aren’t like her – and who still happen to be single.