It is so important to watch what we say about ourselves and how things work! The way we talk to and about ourselves influences our actions, and drives where we put our energy. Self-limiting talk is not attractive coming out of anybody’s mouth! However, you may not even know you’ve been engaging in self-limiting talk. Here are some examples:
- “Black girls don’t do stuff like that.”
- “Big girls shouldn’t wear things like that.”
- “Smart women shouldn’t have to…”
- “You know I could never…”
- “If I was smarter/prettier/more experienced, maybe I would try…”
Self-limiting talk pops up when we are shopping, when we are thinking through our future plans, when we are watching TV, and when we are sitting around gabbing with our girlfriends. Just like the incessant chatter running through our minds, self-limiting talk has become natural for most of us. We think we are innocently stating a preference or just being realistic. What we are doing is drawing lines around ourselves—telling ourselves who we can’t be, what we can’t do, and what we’ll never do instead of proclaiming that we can do, be, and achieve anything we absolutely believe we can do.
The next time you hear yourself or someone else use self-limiting talk, correct yourself. Say: “You know, I used to believe that way, but now I realize that is something I’ve been trained to say and believe. I can do that if I want to!”
You will instantly feel better, and you will influence those around you to move away from self-limiting talk and toward self-empowering talk. If your girlfriends engage in self-limiting talk, don’t call them out on it aggressively. Just say:
“I see what you mean, but I don’t think that is true. I know you could do it if you really believed you could.”
By you setting the example for others by refusing to engage in self-limiting talk, it will melt away from around you. It may take some time. After all, we all learned this self-limiting talk to be the truth, because it was repeated to us (either in our own heads or by other people) enough time until we believed it.
CrazyGirls: What kind of self-limiting talk do you engage in? How has it kept you back?
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{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I think I tell myself, “well, if I WANTED to be a real actress, I”d take these professional classes and audition for these things, and…” But the the truth is that I am actually doing ALL he things real actresses do already! I’m sending the universe mixed signals (what I’m doing vs what I’m thinking) and probably stopping or slowing down the process of being where I’m destined to be: on tv or in a broadway show!
@Shadiah: Yep, I think that you are doing all of the things you should be to prepare for your acting career! Just have to work on the inside chatter!
I used to engage in self-limiting talk all the time. I found the best way to defeat it is to be fully present in my own mind. I would just stop and listen to the ‘mindless’ chatter that was running in the background, and then ask myself why I said certain things. It can be so incessant, especially when we’re doing routine tasks like laundry, driving, or the dishes. And its a knee-jerk reaction too. But you’re so right, when you get in the habit of instantly correcting yourself, you feel so much better and your self-esteem increases.
OMG Kaneisha! Now THIS is what I’m talking about! THIS is what is wrong with BW! THIS is what ‘I’ believe is really self-hatred too! Because Love is unlimited and unconditional, free.
BW have such rules and limits and stunted thinking! Women do in general. But we always fall behind. Thank God we’re almost neck and neck, as I see and feel some real changes.
This self-limited talk is so ingrained too. It’s stuff that we know is bs but it has such power. Passed down from generation to generation.
Yes, kaneisha. We need to dismiss myths and untruths amongst each other AND within ourselves.
Thanks, sweetheart!
@Violet: Thanks! I’m glad you found it helpful! Now go and tell yourself all the things you CAN do!