Photo Credit: Marie-II
Every decision we make and action we take is made out of love or fear. Those decisions build up over time to create our lives. I’m realizing now how important it is to me to live a fearless life. Every time I’ve made a decision out of fear, it ended in shambles and with me shaking my head, wondering how everything got so out of place.
Last May, I chose a summer internship that wasn’t a great fit for me, because I was afraid to risk not having a prestigious or well-paying job for the summer. I was afraid that if I jumped into the world of media and entertainment, they’d chew me up and spit me out before I even realized what happened to me. Yes, now I know Corporate America is not for me, but I yearn for the opportunity to have an entire summer again with no financial obligations where I can really explore a passion or a genuine curiosity.
I’ve stayed in relationships with men who were dishonest or wouldn’t commit to me, because I was afraid that I’d never find anyone better. I was miserable in the relationship but afraid to leave.
I ran from my dreams of being a famous writer, because I was afraid I wasn’t good enough. If so many other people were talented writers, who was I to declare that I’d make my living as a writer?
You can make decisions out of fear, and be “successful”—get the job, keep the man, etc.—but fear-based decisions do not lead to long-term happiness.
When I think about the decisions I’ve made out of love, I am overwhelmed by the fact that when you do what you love, things work out for you.
In college, chose to be a Black Studies major because those were the classes I loved to take. I excelled, I learned, and I didn’t fear how that might affect me in the job search or when applying to graduate school.
I shaved my head six years ago to start dreadlocks, finally letting go of the fear that I’d be less beautiful without straight hair or that I wouldn’t be able to get a good job. Now, I love my hair and it fits my personality so well! Feminine yet funky!
Here at Harvard, I chose the classes that were genuinely the most interesting ones to me, not worrying that I wasn’t taking the “essential” MBA classes like Building and Sustaining a Successful Enterprise (I know, I have no idea what that means either). I’m doing much better in my classes than I was last year, and I’m energized by my coursework rather than drained by it.
Anxiety is love being suppressed by fear. It’s the feeling you get when you know there is something you should do, but you are just too afraid to do it.
Choose love over fear. Love your mistakes and don’t fear admitting you were wrong about something. Love your weaknesses, and don’t fear asking for help. Believe in yourself and the goodness of the Universe enough to live a fearless life. You will never look back and regret a decision made out of love.
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Well put Ms. K! I never quite thought of making decisions in this way, but it makes a lot of sense!
Thanks, SJ! I’m glad I could provide a helpful insight.
Excellent post. I’m going to make a list of things I’m doing out of fear/love currently in my life and reevaluate. The great thing is I think I’m doing sooo many more things I love now than I was just a short while ago (or really ever since I moved to the East Coast). I feel like myself again!
Hey Shadiah! I’d be interested in hearing some of the things on your fear list. Send them to me in private! We have to keep one another accountable!
I’ve stayed in relationships with men who were dishonest or wouldn’t commit to me, because I was afraid that I’d never find anyone better. I was miserable in the relationship but afraid to leave.
OMG!!..This explains what I’ve been doing for the past 3 yrs. Feel like I do not deserve any bteert so accept anything which leads me to keep getting hurt. Thanks for this!
Efi! I hope that now that your recognize you are doing this, you don’t allow it to continue for one second longer! It’s much better to be single and happy than in a relationship that is dragging you down. I know it’s not easy, but it’s the hard choice that will make you happier in the long term.
Great reading and advice! Going to TRY to do these things. Met a great guy dated for about 3 months, he even gave me a card that said he was EAGER to proceed down life’s road with me two days later BAM! NOTHING! doesn’t call, return call or text (that he did everyday) now nothing….totally baffled! But I let him go (in a text) told him I wished him many blessings in finding what he is looking for and that was it! And they say WE are hard to figure out? PLLLLLLAAAALEAASE!!
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