An Orgasm a Day

Every woman deserves the joy of a daily orgasm. But we Crazy Girls—we need a daily orgasm. And I’m not just talking about the kinds that men with good hips give. I’m talking about the excruciating building up of anticipation and the consequent exultant release that comes with working hard at something you truly love and then enjoying the fruit of your labor. And then I’m also talking about a good ole real-life orgasm as well.

My recommendation to my Crazy Girls (and the rest of you “normal” people out there who love us) is that you make sure you get one experiential orgasm and one physical orgasm a day. Yes, every single day.

Examples of experiential orgasms:

• Seeing a play or movie that inspires you or moves you deeply
• Painting a picture and then hanging it up in your apartment
• Cooking a fantastic meal that you loved cooking and that blows your socks off when you finally taste it
• Laughing so hard with your friends that your stomach starts to hurt
• Having a great run along the river and then drinking fresh-squeezed lemonade

Don’t let your life get so busy that you don’t have enough time to give yourself the daily pleasure of an experiential orgasm. Orgasms are what life is all about. They’re like God’s incentive to us to make children (Because honestly, why else would we? Just kidding…).

As for the physical orgasm, just get yourself a great vibrator. Why is that?

• Because you may be single and not interested in strange men’s penises.
• Because your guy might be tired or busy.
• Because your guy might not be working it just right that night. (I do not recommend whipping out a vibrator after having sex with your boyfriend. Get yourself one you can use privately in the bathtub while he’s watching sports)

If you are too scared or busy to go into a novelty shop to peruse the aisles of orgasm-inducing paraphernalia, you can just stop by the Sexual Wellness shop on Amazon and find something that tickles your fancy.

Call me crazy, but I think that if people had daily orgasms, we would have less incidences of:

• Obesity. Who needs to emotionally eat when your soul is full of joy from your daily double dose of orgasmic pleasure?
• Depression. Now I’m not trying to minimize a very serious condition that many people live with, but I do believe that countries like America have such high incidences of depression because we allow ourselves to become so disconnected from what truly gives us joy. More orgasms = less “lostness”. With the experiential orgasms, you find a little more of yourself every day.
• Uterine Fibroids. Uterine fibroids are a highly common hereditary condition that Black women disproportionately suffer from. They are noncancerous tumors that attach to the walls of a woman’s uterus. They can be very uncomfortable, sometimes painful, and can keep you from having children. My New Age thoughts on the cause of fibroids are that they are the result of women over-nurturing others and harboring pain done unto them by men. The female reproductive organs are the center of our womanhood, and fibroids are the physical manifestation of tragically wounded womanhood. A daily double dose of orgasmic pleasure would dissolve fibroids in time. I just know it.

Ways to Ensure you get your Double Dose of Orgasmic Pleasure:

• Acknowledge what makes you happy—and do it. I used to be a little embarrassed of how much I like movies. I thought I should be interested in something more social—like volleyball or clubbing. But then a friend of mine told me, “You love movies! There’s nothing wrong with that! Do what makes you happy!” And going to the movies at least once a week makes me very, very happy. It’s something that I’ll always do.
• Schedule time into your day for your daily orgasms. Don’t just fall asleep with your homework in your hands. Brush your teeth, wash your face, and curl up with your vibrator before drifting off into dreamland. Schedule time into your day to do what you like to do. I think many experiential orgasms take an hour to have, but perhaps you can sneak in a quickie by taking a 15 minute walk in a park during the afternoon and enjoying the beauty of communing with nature.

The next time you feel like zoning out in front of Facebook for an hour, tear yourself away from the computer and take that time to give yourself your orgasm for the day.

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Tagged as: fulfillment, Happiness, orgasms, vibrators