Do you call your boyfriend too much? Do you find yourself tempted to pick up the phone to share the most insignificant factoid with him? Do you worry that if you don’t call your boyfriend, he won’t call you? Then this post is for you, girlfriend.
Believe me—I know it’s hard. I’m writing about this because I love talking on the phone, and I have had to train myself to call my boyfriend less because really, I usually don’t have anything to say (just want to talk…) and it feels nice to get called instead of always doing the calling.
How to Not Call Your Boyfriend Too Much:
Call your girl friends. I was in a long-distance relationship last summer, and I used call the guy to meticulously debrief every detail of my day with him. One day, I was complaining about how he’s always rushing to get off the phone, and my friend Shannan finally said to me, “Girl, stop calling him so much! If you want to tell someone about every second of your day, call me! That’s what girl friends are for!” I had never considered such a thing. But it’s true. Women are from Venus—and Venusians love talking things through. Men, on the other hand, do not like talking on the phone as much. So no more two-hour phone convos, ladies! In fact, try and keep the convos with your boyfriend under 20 minutes or less, and he will be calling you all the time, because he knows it will be a no-pressure, no-drama experience.
Do your chores. I don’t care how nasty his man-cave is, you want your place looking nice for you to enjoy and for when he finally does come over. Instead of pining after him, wash your dishes, do your laundry, and go buy yourself some flowers for your living room. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to scramble to make my apartment presentable. I’ve often had my boyfriend show up at my place while I’m still loading the dishwasher with the week’s worth of dishes I let pile up in the sink. Embarrassing!
Make a vision board. I’m telling you, crazy girls, that a fun, easy way to bring the things you want in your life to you is to make a vision board for it. Instead of pouring your heart out to your boyfriend, sit on the floor with a bunch of magazines and create a vision board of something you want in your life. If you have doubts about your relationship, make a love vision board with images of happy, active couples. If you are really upset about something that happened at work today, make a vision board containing images of the work environment and experiences you want. They take awhile to make and you feel great while working on it—like your dreams are within reach.
Cook an amazing meal. Cooking is very calming, and it’s a great way to lower your crazy girl anxiety quotient that may be building as you debate whether or not to call your boyfriend. Don’t worry about finding a fancy recipe. Just drop into Trader Joe’s and buy their pre-seasoned meats and some side dishes you can easily make. Don’t forget the wine! I choose my wine by whichever sounds like it will be sweet (Muscatos are super-sweet) and whichever wines are in sexy-shaped bottles. During your cooking session, listen to some good ole independent-woman-in-love music (I suggest Corrine Bailey Rae) and make yourself a beautiful meal. When you finally do talk to him, you can brag about the awesome meal you made. He’ll be sorry he missed it.
Other things you can do instead of calling your boyfriend:
- Call your family members who you haven’t spoken to in awhile. They’ll appreciate hearing from you!
- Write a letter to a friend. A real handwritten letter. They’ll love it!
- Do your nails.
- Read a book.
- Request all your frequent flyer mileage credits.
- Get ahead on your homework. Then you’ll have plenty of free time to hang out with your boo!
Things you absolutely SHOULD NOT do instead of calling your boyfriend:
- Shop. Do not use shopping to fill the void of boredom or loneliness. That will lead you into a world of trouble.
- Call another guy. Do not divert your love energy into another source—unless you’re diverting it back to yourself. Calling another guy in search of attention and affection is a no-no if you’re in a committed relationship.
- Text your boyfriend. Texting is no different than calling! Guys know what you’re trying to do when you send those “care-free” texts. They know it is you nudging them to call. They don’t need to be reminded. He’ll call when he wants to and not a moment before, so just keep the cutesy texts to yourself. I know, they seem so clever, but they do not work!
And believe it or not—I wrote this post to keep from calling my boyfriend and GUESS WHO just called to talk? Works like a charm…
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{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
Kaneisha, I just broke the no-cutesy-text rule, and wish I had read your post before sending that dang text! I’ll remember this for next time…
urmm! and what do we do when they reply us late? should we not reply instantly?should we not reply at all till they actually call us up and ask where we are?or should we just act normal and reply double the time they took to reply us?
GREAT post! I love this helpful article, and it was just what I was looking for!!
I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Blondie! Thanks for reading!
Lol Ok, so immediately after reading this post, I posted the above comment, then took a shower to “keep from calling” my LTR bf… I emerged from the bathroom and, wearing only a towel, of course I checked my phone.
You see, he calls every morning on his way into work. Yesterday I left several short (happy) typical messages, between 7:30 am and noon, and he didn’t answer or call back until after work, around 7:45pm. I wasn’t happy by then, and I was on the phone anyway, so I didn’t answer or call back. This morning he called at 6:00 am (early) and although we typically talk several times a day, I didn’t call him at all after that.
So, still in my towel, I saw that he called twice, 7 minutes apart!
I called back, and fully expected to get voicemail. He answered, even though I could hear he was really busy.
“Hi!”he said, quite excitedly, “I…I tried to call you. Actually, I DID call, not ‘tried’…”
“I saw that, and I’m calling you back…!”
“Oh, you noticed that I called? Ok! …Are you busy?”
“I’m not ‘monumentally busy’…”
“Oh, Ok! Well, I was just calling to say ‘hi’. …Hi!”
“Thank you, and ‘hi’ back…!”
I think the difference was not answering last night, not calling today, and never once giving him crap about being M.I.A. all day yesterday!
I’m so glad I stumbled across your blog! Makes me feel like I’m not alone in feeling a little nuts sometimes!
-Blondie
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Awesome story, Blondie! It works!
This was fantastic:_)
I was just looking for this, i think it will be helpful gona try it out..
Yay! I’m glad to hear you’re going to try it out!
Omg, I LOVE it! And totally needed to read this, I’ve been with my bf for almost a year. He is in his MBA and is super busy all the time, we do spend a lot of time together dispite this, but as I’m sitting here almost finished my calculus at home waiting for him to come home I can’t help but thinking I wish I didn’t care so much! Why do I need to have him here? He obviously is happy (or not but has no say) doing his work at school, but I am here depressed and wishing I had a fun roommate to go watch gossip girl with… Because we all know its more fun to watch anything with a friend to ga ga over the drama after! Honestly, I needed to read this. I like the vision board idea, very creative and actually will really be useful! I need to learn to not need to talk to him anyways, because he’s headed to china at the end of this month.. And that’s a crazy long distance bill. I think it’s time I explore the world of networking and make some more Friends out here ( just moved from 3 hrs away to live with my bf 2 months ago)… I’ve made a few, but I really am in need of a bestfriend and I sure do miss mine from home
you are a legend! i love all of your blogs, its amazing. you should write more, it will actually help me improve myself, and my relationship w. my boyfriend
reading this actually helps, it works great! usually, my phone are always right next to me and i always check my phone to see if he called or texted. i have always hated to be the one to call or text, because i’ve felt that it was unfair. sometimes i would just wish that he could call me randomly and tell me that he jus called to say ‘i love you’, or whatever which would make my day.
my boyfriend is one of the most amazing man i could ever had, but im gona have to follow your rules so i could get him to call me, etc
you are the best! <3
i should have searched this long before. me and my boyfriend had a fight about it last week. you are truly right!! calling them often could make or break a wonderful relationship. we are in this long distance relationship and damn! it’s really hard but then i chose this kind of relationship so i have to be more patient and understanding. thanks for this. it’s really a huge help for us ladies. by the way, now my boyfriend call me “my crazy girl”.
I have been dating my significant other for the past two years. Our relationship turned into a long distance relationship 8 months ago. It has been three months since we have seen each other. I call him everyday and I will say at least five times ago. I have been trying my best to remain busy with work, classes, and family, which has worked a little. But I will try the vision boards.
me and my boyfriend have been going out since 2years and since 3months we have been in long dist. relationship. The thing is..we both are not really fond of having long chats over the phone. But v used to call atleast once or twice a day and before going to bed and have 5-15 min talks. but now, he does not call for 3 to 4 days at a stretch and the worst part is i have worst ego ,so i also do not call back until he does. but now its really irritating and frustrating to feel that i keep waiting for his call and thinking about him while he is carefree and does not even miss me! once v had a talk as in why he does not call and he says ” my span of being on the verge of missing you badly and calling you is a little long. it does not mean i dont miss you. i miss you every day” and blah blah. wat do i do to bring the spark back?
me and my boyfriend have been going out since 2years and since 3months we have been in long dist. relationship. The thing is..we both are not really fond of having long chats over the phone. But v used to call atleast once or twice a day and before going to bed and have 5-15 min talks. but now, he does not call for 3 to 4 days at a stretch and the worst part is i have worst ego ,so i also do not call back until he does. but now its really irritating and frustrating to feel that i keep waiting for his call and thinking about him while he is carefree and does not even miss me! once v had a talk as in why he does not call and he says ” my span of being on the verge of missing you badly and calling you is a little long. it does not mean i dont miss you. i miss you every day” and blah blah. wat do i do to bring the spark back?
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