Also, have you thought about whether he’s a serial monogamist? (The tampax made me go, hm.) Those are the guys that love being in intimate, even long term relationships with women they admire, find attractive, and even think are the best thing since sliced bread. They love you, even call you their best friend. They buy tampons, they give advice, they comfort and are comforted by you. But they do not marry. They do not commit for the future. I mean, if he knows about tampax pearls, and you didn’t teach him, where’s that from?

As a man, I often find myself giving relationship advice to my 23-year-old sister and mid-to-late-20-something female friends. The first thing I tell them is that a man’s word is his bond. Thus, if a man tells her that he does not want to be “in a relationship” and does not want a “girlfriend,” I advise that she should believe him–regardless of how he acts.

Simply put, if a man does not give his word (“you are my girlfriend” or “I am your boyfriend”), he is not bound to act as such. I say this because, in romantic relationships, a man can really be held accountable only for what he commits to. Until he puts a ring on her finger, the only way she can try to protect her heart (and this is what’s most important) is a clear sign of commitment, which typically comes in the form of a title like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend.” This is not to say that titles are the only sign of commitment and devotion, but such titles convey a clearer meaning than most actions. A series of actions, left undefined or unexplained (by him), may indicate that he’s a nice guy or that he enjoys spending time with her–but not necessarily that he’s committed only to her and committed to developing the relationship between the two of them.

The best “sign,” I think, is how he introduces her to others–especially those whom he cares about, like his friends and family. If “girlfriend” does not precede her name in an introduction, she has not yet achieved a status higher than any other non-familial woman in his life. I tell my sister and friends to not set themselves up for confusion, frustration, or disappointment by thinking otherwise.