I fantasize about adopting my dozens of cousins growing up without their fathers, a proper education, and the same sense of hope that I had at their age. I think about how I will create a sheltered world for them full of excitement, learning, and possibilities. I find myself mulling over what type of business I can start that would gainfully employ all my aunts and uncles–a job that would fill them with pride and ownership rather than sap their energy and imagination. Then the dream melts away, and I remember how many there are of them and how there is only one me. A sense of despair creeps upon me as I realize that every day my family members teeter ever closer to the edge of the place beyond just making it. While I can’t help everyone in my family in the ways I want to, there are tangible things I know I can do when I know I can’t help everyone.
Make interactions impactful. I do not take the time spent with my teenage cousins for granted. I make sure that when visiting the extended family in Florida, I take time to listen to what their experiences are in and out of school. I ask them questions about their lives, and I try to provide encouragement and insight about growing up and creating a life for yourself. I remember things said to me by adults over a decade ago. I know that young people listen to those adults that show they care. I can’t snap all my cousins into outstanding academic shape, but I can plant within them a seed that makes them take pause to truly ponder what kind of life they want to live and what actions they need to take to live that life.
Share your successes—and strategies for success. Don’t hide the great things going on in your life from friends and family who are not experiencing the same levels of abundance. Sharing your successes from a spirit of humility is often inspiring to the listeners. They hear your stories and think, “I can do that too.” Don’t make success seem like an act of luck or circumstance. Help people understand how you got your awesome job, found that great guy, or learned how to perform a skill or talent so well.
Take care of yourself. It is true that one of the best ways you can help a lot of people is by doing well yourself. You do not have to amass a tremendous amount of wealth before you turn your eye to leading a philanthropic life. However, focusing on your own success puts you in a position to be much better prepared emotionally and financially to help others in the future. Sacrificing your future helps no one. Investing in yourself personally and professionally ensures that you will have enough energy and love left over to share with others.
The next time you find yourself mulling over how you’re going to rescue all your family members, friends from the neighborhood, or some other troubled community close to your heart, remember that you can’t help everyone—at least not at the same time and in the same way. However, interactions full of kindness and acceptance will go a long way in lifting peoples’ spirits and provoking peoples’ minds.
Related posts:
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Kaneisha, I just came back from my father’s house and spending time with my grandma (who just turned 76 woop woop!) and this post hits home particularly well (pun intended). We need to be the role models who inspire ourself and our own family.
Great advice! What tips would you have concerning family members or friends who continue to make self-destructive choices? At what point do you have to give-up?
When I can’t fall asleep I either imagine myself as a contestant on Project Runway and mentally participate in the design challenges or I imagine coming into a huge amount of money and then I decide what I will do for all of my loved ones with that money. The good feelings from doing that always relax me into a good sleep. As far as you are concerned, opportunities tend to suddenly make themselves VERY obvious. I think you will know when and how are the best ways to help. BTW, when I’m trying to sleep I always pay off your student loans so problem solved when I make it big time.