Whereas the traditional golden rule is treat others as you would want them to treat you, Kaneisha’s Golden Dating Rule is treat yourself like you want your partner to treat you. It’s easy to fall into the trap of pining after a boyfriend who doesn’t exist—or looking into the past and glorifying a guy that you ended it with just because there’s no man in your life now. A great way to unleash some of your love energy that may build up in the wake of singlehood is to befriend and romance yourself.

Things I wish a man would do for me and then I decided to do myself:

Flowers: My grandma, mom, and I are crazy about plants and flowers. We love to be surrounded by the energy and beauty of flora, and we take pride in cultivating plants. I used to nag guys I was dating to buy me flowers, and then I realized that I could pick up a stunning bouquet from Trader Joe’s for $9.99 and have fresh flowers whenever I wanted them. Surprisingly, I find some guys are much more willing to buy me “replenishment” flowers after he sees that I already buy them for myself. Rather than feeling like he’s a “whipped” sappy romantic, your partner feels like he’s doing something useful and manly—like taking out a 50-lb. bag of garbage—except now he’s bringing in two dozen roses.

Great Dates: I really wanted a man to whisk me around Boston, showing me all the touristy sights and hole-in-the-walls. Then, I just decided to explore the city myself with my girl friends. I go to a different fabulous brunch place almost every weekend with my girl friends when I’m in Boston. It’s emerging as a tradition, and one that I will surely treasure as my last year of graduate school looms. If I had waited until a guy came along, I would have missed out on all the delicious eateries and juicy gossip that always come with our Sunday morning brunches.

Sexual Fulfillment: Thanks to technology, heterosexual women can experience sexual fulfillment without men (while our lesbian sisters have been fine without men for ages). One does not have to be a “freak in the bed” to have a vibrator. Nor do you even have to go into one of the sex novelty shops. You can order a vibrator online at Vibrator.com or if you prefer a more traditional channel, you can buy one at Amazon.com. I was reluctant to buy a vibrator, so one of my girl friends bought one for me, put the batteries in it, and put it right on my bed in my dorm room as a birthday surprise. That tactic was surprisingly effective at getting me to use it, and I passed on the gift (not the vibrator) by buying one for a friend and doing the same thing. It’s also important to remember that vibrators are not just for single women. They are great for couples or even if you are in a relationship and just want some “me” time.

The list could go on forever. Other ways to be your own boyfriend would be buying yourself a GPS, painting your apartment, taking fun trips, and learning how to drive a manual transmission. I do not mean to imply that most women depend on men for these things all the time. However, there are certain things we women know that we need or want that we don’t have to wait another second to get. If you are a woman waiting around (either consciously or subconsciously) for a man to swoop in and fulfill your wishes, you are wasting golden opportunities to be the answer to your own problems.

Related posts:

1. Is HBS An Attractive Industry for Dating?
2. Encouraging Goal-Congruent Dating Behavior
3. The Proper Place for Drama