During the course of a relationship, you may start to feel taken for granted by your boyfriend. He no longer takes you out on exciting, new dates. He doesn’t buy you flowers. You have reverted to splitting the dinner bill (which is probably take-out) like two college roommates. You are wondering how to get the spark back, and you think getting your boyfriend to miss you is the key to reviving the relationship. This may very well be true. Men thrive on pursuing things. More than winning, they like the struggle and quest that goes into winning. Once you and your boyfriend have settled comfortably into a routine, he feels like he’s already won you over. There’s nothing left for him to strive for.
The key to getting your boyfriend to miss you is to be less available.
Don’t always answer the phone. People are too tied to their phones in general, so this tip will help you even outside of getting your boyfriend to miss you. Just because your phone rings, you don’t have to pick it up. If he calls while you are doing anything—even if it is just during a television show you’re enjoying or a casual conversation with a friend—let the phone go to voicemail and call him back at your leisure. Feel free to wait a few hours. You are not an emergency response worker. As long as the two of you don’t have plans, he isn’t dependent on you to figure out what he is going to do the rest of the day. Also, think of all the times you probably called him and had to wait hours to hear back. Guys seem to have much less of a problem with letting the phone go to voicemail than women do.
Go on a trip without him. If the two of you live together or sleep over at one another’s places often, you may be settling into an “old married couple” routine. Surprise him by going on a trip—even if it’s just for one night—with your girl friends. Tell him ahead of time (a week is sufficient), bid him farewell, and then go have fun. Don’t call him while you’re gone. Be fully present during your trip and then see how much more attentive he is when you get back.
Go out even if he doesn’t want to. If you find yourself in the mood for dancing, seeing a new movie, or going to the museum, and he refuses to go with you, go without him. Whether you go alone or with a girl friend, show him that just because zoning out in front of the tv is an evening well spent in his opinion, you don’t have to be prisoner to his mediocre social life. Dance the night away, see a double-feature, and linger over every piece in the museum and fully enjoy it. After doing this a few times, your guy will perk up and be more enthusiastic about finding interesting ways for the two of you to spend time together. After all, if you start to be your own boyfriend, you might realize that you don’t need him after all.
The key to getting your boyfriend to miss you is to help him realize how much better you make his life. You don’t do this by falling all over yourself to cook and clean for him, demonstrate your sexual prowess, or by helping him with his homework or other duties. You do it by showing him through your actions that you are not afraid to be without him.
The next time you feel like your boyfriend is taking you for granted, don’t nag him about it. Just keep it moving and see how he reacts.
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Kaneisha,
This is a brilliant post – almost too brilliant. Women everywhere will now have guys wrapped around their fingers.
My only concern is that having been on the other side of it, a guy can react in a few different ways. When using your strategy in a limited, targeted way, on occasion, the guy will be more attentive and a spark may re-emerge.
However, when used too often, you risk the guy thinking that you don’t care about him or that he is unimportant. If he feels that you don’t care about him, he’ll start to evaluate his options.
I think your argument posits two things. First, to not be taken for granted, you have to be less available and more independent. Second, being independent in general is a good an healthy thing. All of which I agree with. However, when you’re in a long term relationship, open communication, coupled with these strategies is probably the best option.
Finally, just a comment. Not only is your post very insightful, but it’s thought provoking. Thanks for taking the time to write these!
JJ
JJ, you’re definitely right that a balance is needed. However, women tend to lean way too much to becoming more needy when they feel like their man isn’t paying enough attention to them rather than asserting their independence and enjoying their free time rather the man wants to enjoy it with them or not. I’m trying to help my Crazy Girls find htat balance again! Thanks for reading and commenting!
This is genius. More women should abide by these simple tips. The best phrase is “be your own boyfriend”. Learning to liberate yourself from excess attachment of a significant other is pivotal in leading a healthy, independent life as a woman since we are nurturers naturally and by your phrase, I extracted the following: We should learn to become our own source of happiness. Thanks for the post and keep them coming!
BAH! My EX and I feel into the “roommate” routine so I TRIED the ignore his phone call when busy thing…which lead to him calling me 7 times in a row and leaving angry messages saying I’m ignoring him. I also attempted the go out even if he doesn’t want to…which lead to him assuming I was out cheating on him despite I was out with just a girl friend I hadn’t seen in 3 years……I kind of felt like he was more of a girl then me though at times haha so maybe that’s why he reacted the way he did?
Hey Laura, yeah….he sounds like a bit of a “CrazyGirl” even though he’s a guy. It sounds like he was feeling insecure. I say you keep living your life like in your example. It sounds like it actually worked to pique his attention. I wonder if he actually started putting more effort into the relationship–or if he was just calling you 7 times to join him on the couch to watch TV.
“Men thrive on pursuing things. More than winning, they like the struggle and quest that goes into winning. Once you and your boyfriend have settled comfortably into a routine, he feels like he’s already won you over. There’s nothing left for him to strive for.”
I’m going to give some objective input here. You realize the advice/explanation you’re giving is akin to *playing games*.
“He no longer takes you out on exciting, new dates.”
No. Instead of WAITING for him to take you out on exciting, new dates — YOU take HIM out on new dates. The whole fallacy of your interpretation and guidance on dating is that — it’s the guy that is EXPECTED to pursue and win the girl like she’s a prize at the carnival or something.
Look at it this way: When a guy gets comfortable with a girl… that is him telling the girl — “It’s your turn to chase” and not all of this bollocks where you overly demonstrate being able to live WITHOUT him.
We’ll just agree to disagree. I enjoy being pursued. I’m not a prize to be won at the carnival, but nor do I enjoy running after men.
Therein lies my point: You “enjoying” be pursued instead of both chasing does NOT make for a great relationship. Having a relationship where the feeling and effort is mutual is what is needed.
I’m gonna have to agree with Keneisha and defer to the “Cave Effect” outlined in “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.” When a man pays less attention to a woman, he’s retreating into his cave to worry about his own problems for awhile. It doesn’t necessarily mean he no longer loves his woman. He just needs to be on his own for a little while. At this point, the woman is to take her own life into her hands and be happy doing her own thing. Her “Rubberband Man” will snap back eventually for some intimacy.
hey, your so up there with the word of the wise,
im actually in a relationship right now with a boy, hes sweet cute and everygirl we both know wants him. i try to shake it of and not him see it sometimes makes me feel insecure and worried he may fall for someone else. as he has cheated before but so have i, we forgive and yet he forgot but i havnt. were close and our families aprove and were deeply in love but lately i feel as we’ve been distant and arguing a bit too much. is there something i can do to make the spark and love for each other come back as before? without making him see im trying to hard
I’ve found out that if you’re bored, you’ll start worrying about things like cheating and breakups. Keep occupied and you might stop worrying. If not, there are trust issues that you’ll need to work out.
I don’t know how to get the spark back because that’s why I’m here. I think this article might be helpful but it’s a bit of a long shot in your case. You could try going on really fun exciting dates, like rock climbing or paintball. Maybe a horror movie would help, too. I heard those are great for bonding
just do something fun that you guys don’t normally do.
i think this will really help my relationship.. i feel since we do spend too much time together he doers take me for granted.. if i could only stop thinking about him when im not with him.. when he calls ive tried to not pick up then i call him back.. i cant even stay mad at him.. i need help!!!!
Jamie! You need a life! I know that feeling of wanting to obsessively think and be with your boyfriend, but it’s not healthy for you or your relationship. You have to connect with what makes you happy and make sure to spend time and energy on it. Otherwise, you’re going to self-destruct. You can do better now that you know better!
This is a great post & I think the point is not to play games but rather focus on what you want in your personal growth instead of obsessing about your bf all the time. It’s about being your own best friend & not depending on your bf to fufil your own happiness. Great work! I’d love to read your other articles
Hello Dear Kaneisha,
Me and my boyfriend got really close REALLY CLOSE like i didnt travel with my family cuz i wanna be with him and it was for one month and we spent alot of time together felt like we r married but when my parents came back he was kinda different and now we dont spend alot of time together and he doesnt call that much only if he is in the car alone or at night and yesterday i told him i miss you but you dont seem to miss me he said “i wanna miss you” and i didnt see him alot and not talk to him soo how come he doesnt miss me :S what should i do about it :S
i nd my boyfriend became very close in this 8 months..i spend a lot of hrs wit him..i dont even want my parents wen i am wit him..but now i know he is cheating me..he has many affairs at present..i wanna get away from him..but i feel tats impossible for me..bcooz i love him still….plz advice or give me suggessions for this.iam depressed a lot.i know he is not worth of my tears..but i cant stop loving him…wt to do frds…give me a solution plz….
yamini i dont know if what i am going to tell you will be helpful .I think you should break up with him. if you stay in this relationship you are the only one thats going to end up sufferiny. He is not going to change he will continue having affairs and breaking your heart. if a man cheats on you its because he is not in love with you anymore. look at it this way if he has had many affairs in only 8 months how about the years to come. make the decision today i was once in your shoes and i didnt have the courAge to break it off and i suffered four long yrs dont make the same mistake i made
Hi im kayla and im seeking relationship advice. Im currently in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 4 months. We go to different school about 3 hours apart and i see him as often as i can. I maybe see him about twice a month. However, this will be temporary when I transfer to a school in the same city as him in 3 months. In the beginning everything was great, exciting, no worries. But for the past couple of weeks, hes been acting distant. He doesnt text as much, and when he does he’ll just stop texting out the blue and i wont hear back for sometimes 7 or 8 hours. i asked him about it and he was nonshalant about the whole thing saying that he doesnt see the problem and what not. Am i overreacting?? and if not, what should i do?? plzz help!!!
Okay my boyfriend constantly gets angry at me but won’t tell me what is wrong. And then he will ignore me for 3 or 4 days without calling or testing me.For the most part I don’t do anything to him to make him mad. Actually I do everything for him. And I get nothing in return.
I’m dating a navy cadet for the past 3 years..and he’s always busy and hardly ever gets the time to call. I’ve been understanding coz i know he’s busy getting screwed in his academy, but now it’s just getting to me..he calls once in a couple of days..n then if i ask him to call up more often..he thinks it’s no big deal if we don’t talk for a couple of days..
I reeli like him so breaking up is not an option, what do i do to make him realise my value?
am i getting clingy?
Really…. Horrible article…. I’m sure 99% of men wont fall for this… men dont think that way… like the example above he will think your not into him, ignoring him, or cheating.
HI am haveing some big stuff going on in my life and i saw this website
and i say let me try it out and i hope u can help he out my boyfriend
is not talking to me and when he do talk he talking to me like a ass
when his kids a few day ago he jus stop talking i dont know y?i did not do
any thing wrong we bin togetther for 3 years i have never seen him so
is like am living with father what can u do to help me
thanks i really find this helpful since i read it i start to get to know what he think well cause he most of the time ignore my calls and text and seeing that i should of done what he did and let him wait was awesome
one more thing i dont have or anyone you dont have to worry about your bf and thats what i use to do being worry about him and feel like you must text him or what so ever dont just ignore him and give him a space and if he realy love you he will be back thats what i did and he is back so i was like wow thats work
my boyfriend of a year and a half just moved about fourty-five minutes away and it makes me really sad. i trust him and he trusts me i just dont know if it will work out. i love him so much but its going to be hard not being able to see him except for every other weekend if i’m lucky. i play sports so ive been practicing a lot ad running so tht kinda gets my mind off of him but other than that i’m always thinking about him. i dont know what to do, any advice?
My boyfriend tld me that he doesn’t think we are in a relation ship and i asked how come he said we don’t sit togther ! We ignore each other ! We don’t have guts to say I love you face to face its always on blackberry chats or on facebook and he sa
ys we can fix stuff and next friday he’s travling and when I asked if he was free he had so much to do and has no time to see mee and
He makes me cnt stand living a day without him ! He has this thing where he pulls me towards his heart ! How can I make him want me the same way he
Wanted me befour we get togther ! P.s I kissed him once and made him try to miss me by nt asking after all got was a simple I love u on chat !
Seriously? Ignore him so that he knows you love him? That’s your advice? I’m a guy, sit down w/ me and talk to me about how your feeling. There is a good chance that if I’m in a relationship w/ you, it’s because I love you and actually care about how your feeling. The quickest way to run me off is to start playing passive aggressive games like what is being advocated here.
If you take Kaneisha’s advice here, you better be prepared for the guy to leave you. Relationships only work when you are willing to trust the other person and communicate your feelings. If you want him to trust you enough to do that, then don’t play childish games with him, tell him how you feel.
mm sorry but even though your a guy ur da one thats wrong. I must agree on Kaneisha’s point of view cuz its the truth obviously men arent going to admit this to women but we all know thats how it is, wether we go along doing this or not. But seriously think about it, I mean maybe your right about men not wanting games etc. but when a man is with someone that is only there for him he stops trying to impress her, why? cuz he thinks to himself subconciously “she aint goin no where” and i guess in a way it makes sense, I mean nobody is gona give more than requiered. For example no one goes to the store and buys a 2 dllr soda for 10 dlls why? because its selling itself for less, the same applys at work yea of course at 1st you maybe be really punctual, never absent, you never ask for any type of permission or nag about your work etc etc but once you get that promocion youve been wanting you only work whats req. why? well why work more over somethin u have already, sure at first you have to impress and do more than neccesary. that eventually ends but if we add a twist to it… like promocion beeing posponed and so far its beeing so solicitated by others and there actually considering on hiring someone exclusivly for that position than obviously you keep tryin harder and harder.. anyhow i think Kaneisha is totally right
never let a man think u need him 100%, sure make him feel usefull, feed his ego and make him feel like a man but dont act like hes the ONLY man out there. I also think that routines ruine relationships, want excitement and change? well then stop doing the same thing over and over again… be independant, have hobbies, go out alone or with friends, do everythin you did before he arrived, be yourself.. after all that is who he fell in love with…!!
I disagree, any men that takes me for granted will be cut off and I move to the next one, I only settle for someone that only wants me and thinks I am the best women he could ever have no matter what, ignoring people pisses them off, I HATE WHEN A MEN IGNORES ME TO MAKE ME FEEL INSECURE AND NEEDY, FIRST THING I DO IS TRY TO STOP LIKING HIM TO REGAIN MY FREEDOM AND MOVE ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.AND YES THAN 99% OF THE TIME THEY WANT ME BACK BUT SINCE I AM VERY PRETTY AND COOL I HAVE A NEW ONE BY THAN AND THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO BUT 4EVER BEAT HIMSELF UP FOR HIS BULLSHIT PASSIVE CRAP SHIT, YES YOUR STRATEGY WORKS BUT ONLY FOR PEOPLE THAT SETTLE FOR ASSHOLES, SO I A FEMALE AGREE WITH THE GENTLEMEN ABOVE.BRAVO FIND SOMEONE THAT IS EQUALLY INTERESTED< EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST PAIN.
I disagree, any men that takes me for granted will be cut off and I move to the next one, I only settle for someone that only wants me and thinks I am the best woman he could ever have no matter what, ignoring people pisses them off, I HATE WHEN A MEN IGNORES ME TO MAKE ME FEEL INSECURE AND NEEDY, FIRST THING I DO IS TRY TO STOP LIKING HIM TO REGAIN MY FREEDOM AND MOVE ON TO SOMEONE BETTER.AND YES THAN 99% OF THE TIME THEY WANT ME BACK BUT SINCE I AM VERY PRETTY AND COOL I HAVE A NEW ONE BY THAN AND THERE IS NOTHING HE CAN DO BUT 4EVER BEAT HIMSELF UP FOR HIS BULLSHIT PASSIVE CRAP SHIT, YES YOUR STRATEGY WORKS BUT ONLY FOR PEOPLE THAT SETTLE FOR ASSHOLES, SO I A FEMALE AGREE WITH THE GENTLEMEN ABOVE.BRAVO FIND SOMEONE THAT IS EQUALLY INTERESTED< EVERYTHING ELSE IS JUST PAIN.
My boy friend lives a distance, but we have been together for 5 years. He was doing what many of you are saying – less attentive – called less – was defensive if I wanted to talk about our relationship. I just found out the ass has been cheating on line for the whole time he has been with me. We had a pretty big fight – destroyed me – he still wants me now ALL OF A SUDDEN!!!! I really hate the f%$^(*^ for what he did and how my self esteem went down the last couple years because I could not figure why I was not attractive to him anymore (which now I am all of a sudden). Once a cheater always a cheater, but I’ll lead him on awhile until I get my revenge. Not a revengeful person, but this has destroyed me and only way I can feel better is to get back at him. After I’m over a lot of the pain I will start dating again and then let him know I cheated on him….boo hoo….he will feel the same pain I felt. I don’t think these cheaters ever learn unless they feel the pain them self….and he will feel the PAIN!!!
I do this all of the time hahahaha. Its called independence and having space and time for yourself. Cant make someone your everything because when there gone you have nothing.
I am a male and not only does this apply for women to do it to their man but women are the same way and i wonder if the shoes could be on the other foot and men try it to their women? I have been through some of these issues myself because my woman makes me feel unwanted but i try and to everything in my power to make her happy but it seems i get nothing in return and feel left out all the time and dont know what to do to get her attention i need some help ladies
The best…..its just dat we girls dnt hav pateince dats y we r taken forgranted……….
love love…………………………boys needs an attention cos the moment u show them u reely love them they take an advantage so they should b avoidd 4 a while
This is great advice and I totally agree! Women fall inlove in a man’s presence and men fall in love in a womans absence. I live with my man so it’s harder to do the distance thing. Any advice?
The best thing to do when living with your partner, is to focus on yourself. Don’t hesitate to go out with friends, don’t constantly worry about what he is up to. And just because you live under the same roof don’t feel the need to tell him what your every movement is, If you want to go to the movies, do it!!. But don’t waste time telling him your doing so etc. Just be careful how you go about it though because you don’t want him getting the wrong idea to make him start thinking you are cheating on him. Also it helps to spice up your look a bit, get a sexy haircut, buy some new clothes, but dont get upset if he fails to notice it. The key thing here is “focusing on yourself”. once you feel more comfortable with yourself, you will begin to exert a new found confidence about yourself, which if executed correctly will almost have your man begging you to spend more time with him etc
i have a boy friend before we are just friend he love me but know that we have relation ship he dont care much about me he close any way for me to see him or talk to him plz how can i mzke him to miss me and come back to me
This is so Great! thanks for the Advice.. and for my so called BF/Flirt mate (he calls himself that)! Heads up!
Hi everyone..i read all the comments and man o man.i have to say ive been selfish and jus not independant wit myself.ive been in a relationship for 2 1/2..And now all of the sudden my bf doesnt txt me as much as he used to.sometimes i feel that hes distant from me.that im givin more for this relationship than he is.i love him very much but sometimes he jus annoys me when doesnt txt me or when he leaves me hangin when i txt him.ive told him that it seems i want this relationship kore than he does and he telss me thats not true.that he loves me and that je wants tp marry me but it seems wishfull thinkin sometimes.any advice that will help me change my perspective on the whwhole relatinship….
My advice would be to “stop rowing the boat”, which means stop putting in as much work in to the relationship as you are currently doing. If he doesn’t text, don’t mope around worrying about it, Keep yourself busy, go out with friends. Be your own boyfriend which has been stated in this article. STOP texting him, let him find you and work for your attention for a change. When he calls don’t be quick to answer, ignore it, then when your ready, text him (not call) and say, “im busy right now, il call you a bit later”, but then DON’T CALL lol… after a while, or even immediately depending on the type of guy he is, it will make him feel like he’s losing you, which in turn will scare him and almost force him to start calling you more, texting you more. The key thing here is to be unpredictable. Let him wonder what your up to sometimes
This type of advice is not for everyone. It is stereotyping men, women and relationships all at once. If you really need help in your relationship (in which, for everyone, has its own unique characteristics and environment) go seek proper help. It will help “you” and “your relationship” specifically because professionals know to include all the elements/stimuli surrounding it and not to generalize or make assumptions. You can get it by either paying money(psychologist), school councilors (free), community help groups(free/money) etc. Everyone is one-of-a-kind…and so is their relationships:)
AllyCat, your advice on seeking professional help is great. You pointed people to a variety of resources–free and paid–that can help people work things out in their relationships. However, the reality of today’s constantly wired world is that one of the first places people turn to for answers and advice when they are in distress is the internet. I never claim to be a professional counselor, therapist, etc. or even to have all the answers. I’m just giving tips and strategies that I’ve learned over the years and that have worked for me. I always urge people to listen to the advice that resonates with them. If my advice doesn’t ring true for you or your relationship, feel free to ignore it or continue to challenge it. Yes, I use a number of generalizations when I give relationship advice, but those generalizations didn’t come from nowhere. They’re from the experiences I’ve had, my friends have had, and a number of my readers have had. I don’t think we should run from all generalizations since they often help us make decisions. The problem with generalizations is when we have power over someone else in a situation and wield generalizations combined with power to negatively affect other people’s lives (e.g. refuse to hire a man for a job because you think he won’t be as collaborative as a woman). And I find that rather than every relationship being “one of a kind,” there are many shared experiences that people feel happy and relieved to discuss together. It helps people feel like the good and bad things they are experiencing aren’t just unique to them; they are part of a larger trend or situation. What do you think?
guys needs attention
hello! kaniesha. i just loved your blog but I need your help in my case. i’ve been dating this guy for about 4months now and ive gotten a little too serious about him. he’s 23 and im 19. he’s just graduated and is now working. i dont know why but for some reason i feel as if he has now started taking me for granted. he does say he loves me but due to his busy schedule we are not being able to spend the time that is required to make a relationship stronger. i want you to help me out in making him miss me and love me the way i do. he’s the only man ive fallen so deeply for and i dont want to break up with him just because of my insecurities. i want you to help me out in making him mine forever and to tell me what exactly should i be doing to make him want me and fall for me truly:(
if you sense that he is taking you for granted, why not pull your self away for a while? . i suggest that you talk to him that you need your own space. watch how he reacts, if he became mad/ angry, that’s a sign that he is being manipulative and, trust me, you don’t like your man to control you for the rest of your life.
if you want him to miss you then maybe you should do the “test” thingy. go for a two weeks vacation and don’t call or message him. focus more on your self, be happy, spend time with your family and friends. do things that are fun and interesting.
Hey gals,
i wana share certain things which worked out between me and my guy.
how to make an asshole boyfriend fall for you in 1 week.
Day 1:- Be so close to him call him(he won attend, tell “am ****ing my boss” etc etc..but neglect..he s like that alway:@
Day2:- Call him for lunch, but at the mid pretend to attend a call and get lost (probly in wash room) Surpise him with a text” honey, am a lil bz meet you tononght”..That night he may or may not call you…Dont dare to attend…Let him talk to voicemail
Day3:- make sure you call him and apologise(but not too longer, make him feel you are in a hurry”
Day4:- He is upset, but not so really..Sit with your guyfriends where there s a highly likely chance of meeting him..Once you meet him just hold him on hand and make him sit with ur frenz…he s irritated
Day 5:- Please dont call him…make yourself bz..If he calls attend and be nice and calm while reply him..but plz plz plz don be romantic and do talk like a good friend
Day 6:- He calls him…You attend the second call ask him usual things other than romance…He will finally pull u in pool of love
Day 7:- He will wake you up with a big smile at your door step….Please use that day for some creative funs with him;)
hi
i have so much problme with my bf i been with him for 6 years and he been acting stupid whenever he gets mad he wont answer my phone and i been callng like crzay today i called me more than 100 times and he didnte even answer i really need helppppp
Hey well where do I start .. I have been dating my boyfriend for a long time now about a year and a half and We are mostly good in the relationship .. at the begining i was very calm like i never called nstuff because i didnt really know him he used to allways contact me and be with me .. after he travelled we started to do cyber sex cam and stuff he comes every now and then because he has buissness i other countries hes allways busy and wen i tell him how he was before and how he is now he says because iam very busy before i didnt have akob ad stuff .. all my friends tell me that hes acting kinda hard because im allways after him . like i can necer get mad at him i have to talk to him the next day . he purposed to my family and my dad rejected .. i just want him to come after me iam sure about his love toward me but i wat to him to run after me not me all the time help please
I’m a men and I have been in long term relationship and I have been a player.
I want just let all the woman know that what this girl wrote in the article is absolutely nonsense for a men.
The only reaction that you will get in a men is make him furios and disconnected from him.
If I will see a girl don’t answer to the phone during the show or go out with the own friend to dance… I would do the same… and definetely would not make me more interest in her but vice versa it would open in my mind the option of finding another woman… because if you play hard today to be reach there is thousand of opportunity out there waiting for you.
The only reason why a men get attached to a woman is the loyalty and the support.
You will just bother your partner very badly and maybe compromise your relationship if you already having problem.
Agree on the fact that a woman and a men both should be able to find a way to be indipendent and give each other space. But the definition of “You don’t need a men” sounds a little extreme to me… So what we discuss here how to save a relationship or how to get out?
Couldn’t agree more. One of our biggest sources of conflict is me not answering my phone when I’m busy! DON’T DO ANYTHING FROM THIS ARTICLE. HE WILL JUST GET ANNOYED!
I’m gay!!!!!!!!!
Congratulations!
Hey my names Brook and I’ve been dating my boyfriend for a little over a year (Not exactly sure how long because we both have no idea when our anniversary is) I moved in with him after dating him for about 5 months…we lived together for about 9 months and a few days ago I moved out and back in with my grandmother (I’m 19) It’s really boring here! I don’t have any friends here and I’m not sure what to do if I don’t call him and ask if he wants to do anything…I guess I have made the mistake of letting him know that he is my everything, my best friend, my life. I don’t know what to do, or how to get started in having a life outside of him. I have noticed that I’ve been calling him the whole time sense I’ve moved out, I’m the only one who ever plans anything anymore and I’m the only one who asks if he wants to do something. He is seeming a lot less interested and I know he is, even though I know he still loves me too. I would love some advice here, and see if I can show him I can be more independent and more level headed and not so lovey-dovey to him all the time. God knows he doesn’t deserve anything more out of me if I don’t get anything back from him.
Hey brook,
my name is Anna first of all i want to ask you if your in school now? And if you are then you can make friends with anybody at your school. And then go from there, you have to be willing and ready to make friends. A simple friendship start with a single word as “hi”. Be more outspoken and dont be afraid to make firends. You can do it.
Tried & true. I stamp this article.
i´ve tried doing the “ignore” thingy wiht my boyfriend but he only supports the idea, he is actually happy that i go out alone more and stuff, i mean WTF? i know he loves me and everything, but i just cant make him miss me, it doesnt matter if i dont talk to him for a couple days, dont call him or what, he´s happy that i have my own stuff to do….so how do i make him miss me more?
the best way is to talk it out …tell him abt ur problems..and tht both of u need to improve ur relationship
i truly agree wid dis…
i am aslo geeting sum negatv wives 4m my boyfriend…
i dnt wan to be rude but, i have to use these tips…, for having his atnsn..
thanks:)
see me and my friend ——- got to be good friends last year in school and the begining of this school yearr but now he doesnt say hi wave or actruley talk to me. i feel so depresed even my friends dont talk to me idk what to do plz can anyone help i dont know what to do any more.
hi kate
i am rash a girl
,jus 4 a guy,or for oder people why r u feeling depresed////?/
u r special,be special…sweetypie….
i is vry normal in dis age…wat is ur age honey…if u dont mind…
rozy and leena….
hi:):) can i suggest you grls 1 thing….
there is one most best n fantastic way…
jus be SILENT…dis is the biggest punishnment for uy bf…
blv me…it wrks..if he really loves you…..and if he vl not take any action ,then i m sorry to say..he is not in love wid u anymore honey,,,,,,
but,just be silent n watch,wat he vl do next,,,
it dosnt mean that,then and there u vl start toking or kind to himafter his 1 positive reactn,,,,be pesient honey…
n see the magic…
but mind it if he really loves you..he vl cum back to u….:)
and if he vl not cum back to u…go 4 next…..bcz men are men….
i am fron india..:)
god bless u both…
bye..namaste(bye in hindi):):)
all the best////
Hi my name is Angie:)
I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 years. Things were great at first..but for the past year or so we’ve been fighting more than ever. We have broken up and gotten back together before but i am emotionally drained with the same pattern. He seems to be very insecure and feels that i don’t really love him, care about him, or have him as one of my priorities although i believe i’ve done everything I can to show him that I love him. He wants me to move in with him and I tell him I’m not ready yet because i’m still in college, just to wait one more year until i graduate and he can have that. He constantly puts blame on me and says i put other people and everything else before him, which isn’t the case. About 2 weeks ago he broke up with me again for all the reasons he claims to be true in his mind..like i don’t love or respect him and that i’m not compromising with him, that it has to be my way or the high way, that i’m not giving him what he wants and he wants it now and so forth. I feel i have compromised alot, but i also feel that if he loves me he will wait a little longer if it is neccessary and fight for our love not just break up with me and quit. I feel that he is trying to “teach me a lesson” so that i can come back begging him to go back and get me to do what he wants. This is only causing me to resent because he’s being so selfish. What should I do? Do i let him go and just wait and hope he’ll open his eyes and realize how much i love him?
This article is so great. I’ve been dating someone a few months and we are now only seeing eachother once or twice a week. We both are pretty busy with work and family. …Anyway, this has truely helped me tonight. Not so much the “playing games” as some commenters have said, but the being independant part, and not letting your life revolve around your boyfriend (or girlfriend.) I’m always so quick to answer my phone and reply to his text messages. Tonight I waited like 30 minutes before responding to a text and in that time I received 2 texts asking if everything was okay, and if I was mad because usually “I respond immediately.” This article has really made me take a step back and examine my own personal life and how I need to worry about myself more. Not in a selfish way, but I need to stop being so in-demand. My bf is an amazing man, but I always am feeling like I miss him more, or have more feelings for him than he does for me. We haven’t said “I love you” yet, so I’m not sure how exactly he feels about me.
Being a woman, I know a lot of us (women) over analyze situations…especially when it comes to relationships. I’ve tried very hard not to stress over him not texting or calling me as much as I wish he would because like the writer said, it’s unhealthy. I think I’m actually going to look into speaking with a counselor 2-3 times a month to just have someone to vent to and speak with someone that has an unbiased opinion. I think it will be a lot healthier than stressing and pacing over. This is the first “normal” relationship I’ve ever been in. Pretty sad considering my age. I’ve been with a lot of abusive and clingy men so this kind of relationship is very different for me.
All in all, I thought this article was helpful. I believe men do the same thing to women, and judging from all the replies, they make it work.
Thank you!!
hey,i been dating my boyfriendfor 2 years now and we been having alil arguement and fights with my boyfriend and i been feeling like he is bored of me n stuff. when he date me first he always say i miss u luv u wana c u badly n hold ma hand kiss me and be roamntic and everythin. when we aruge fight or he made me upset or mad den he would call bak txt email apologyize and stuff. den he wen back home to his family and he was da same sayin luv u miss u cant w8 to c u romantic wen we aruge fight i was mad n stuff he call n txt and everythin. den once i find out he was talkin to his X behind ma bak i was mad and ignore him n wen off on him 4 hurtin ma feelin and breaking ma trsut. he called apologyize leave msgs txt emails everythin just everythin and kept sayin i cannot lose u witout u i canno live ill nvr 4give ma self if i lose u bla bla. wen he came bak 4m his home town he was da same, but later on he changed alot. he no more calls wen we argue and fight or i hang up or he hurt ma feelin or make me mad upset nor txt or apologyize. his not da same way he was be4 romantic luvin carin about. he says u no wt idc and id bout u blabla. i mean idk wts wron wit him his changed alot. sumtimes wen we fight and argue i tell him if ur bored of me or dont wan me no more tell me and we break up. and if u wana break up tell me but his like no but if u wan. like id wt to do. da past 2 nites i have not called him nor do i txt him tt wer im goin and wen i cum home. juz we txt alil den i say gd nite n stuff. im confussed idk how to make him da old bf tt alwaysd kiss ma ass. i cant break up cuz i luv him and plus he doesnt let me nor let me go im confussed.
ok so I moved 7 hrs away to be closer to my b/f he had to move out of state for a job we have been doing long distance for months. yesterday i couldnt take it anymore he has written in days where before thats all we did. i have all his things. i’m completly head over heals for him. so i emailed him yesterday and told him that I hate him and how could he be so heartless. do you think he will write back? What should I do? i’m so angry at this point. I have been emailing him for days with no response yes being a little needy I’m not going to email him anymore. He probably thinks i’m crazy yeah crazy for him. lol
My boyfriend already has a girlfriend and I want him to love and miss me more than her
Dear Barnes,
There is nothing you can do to make him love you or miss you.
I think you should just move on and find a person who would love you naturally without you making any effort to MAKE him to do something
Good luck !
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Ok, I love this article! Kaneisha, thank you so much! You have some good advice here. I will definitely try some of these things if I feel my boy and I are starting to need time for ourselves. However, I would like to make some comments to some of the girls posting on here. Have you ever considered that maybe your man isn’t trying to ignore you, but he’s just working hard, which means he’s busy? Some guys find it really rude when they’re doing something important and you’re constantly calling them in the middle of it. I know that, unless it was a really big emergency, my boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate it if I called him while he was working (and he probably wouldn’t pick it up anyway because I KNOW where he is and I can respect that). I’m a dedicated military girlfriend and I personally get fed up with people complaining that they don’t spend enough time with their bfs and gfs. Try going through a deployment or having them be gone for a week or more for training. That’s what I call “time away”. Personally, many girls don’t know how to take time for themselves and be independent. I get plenty of time for myself. He doesn’t always get phone calls from me and I don’t always get phone calls from him. It’s all about TRUST. If you feel like you can’t trust your man or maybe it’s that he doesn’t trust you, then maybe you should talk about it with him when you both get some time alone together. If you feel like you still can’t trust him after that or he doesn’t trust you, maybe you should think about moving on. Trust is the #1 thing you must have in a relationship. Trust is pretty much the foundation for a relationship. The fact of the matter is this: Kaneisha’s advice only works if you both can trust each other and know that you won’t do anything to hurt the other while you’re “away”. You can’t have love without trust.
Well said, Angel! Thanks for reading!
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