The one STD scare I had was enough for a lifetime. When I was a junior in college, an abnormal pap smear hinted at HPV, and I thought my life was over—especially after a few hours spent conducting searches on Google Images. Several tests and exams later, I was given the “all clear” by my doctor, but it made me see how devastating a sexually-transmitted virus could be to my health and happiness. To add to my hypersensitivity about sexual health, one of my uncles with whom I was very close died this year of AIDS, and it made me absolutely sure that you nor I are too special nor too normal to have compromised sexual health. So how can you protect yourself—really?
1. Wait to have sex. No, this is not the abstinence argument. Just take a longer time before you have sex with someone you are dating. Rather than relying on the “5 date rule” or whatever it is, try and prolong the sexy stuff until you really feel like you know the other person. The women I know who have waited three months to have sex with their significant other only have wonderful things to say about how much stronger their relationship was. Ladies, men will wait if they really like you. I have surveyed several of my attractive (and straight) guy friends who all say that they are willing to wait months to have sex with a woman they are really into.
2. Discuss your sexual histories and habits. DO NOT tell one another “your number.” It will only cause drama and awkwardness—and one of you will be lying anyway. What you do need to talk about is what sorts of contraceptive measures you are accustomed to and comfortable using, and make sure that both of you are on board with sexual protection. Women should be particularly wary of men who consistently put them in the position of having to be the protection police.
3. Make your partners get tested early on. Once you have sex with someone, it is very difficult to motivate people to get tested. They always have the bogus argument, “But we’ve already done it!” If you make it clear to someone you are dating that your sexual health is very important to you early on in the relationship, they have plenty of time to get a test and show you the results before any hanky-panky happens. Here’s a script you can use. Bring up the subject during a quiet evening while you are chilling out and feeling comfortable with one another:
Bobby, I think you’re really sexy and I think that I’ll be ready to have sex sometime in the near future. My sexual health is really important to me, and I’m sure yours is important to you too. Before we get intimate, I want you to get tested, and I will too. Will you do that for me?
The script may seem overly formal, but it is actually a concise, non-threatening and non-accusatory way to get your point across to your significant other. The question at the end of the script is important because it makes the other person agree to do something rather than simply be like, “Yes, I agree that you should protect your sexual health. Now get naked!” The important part is actually getting the person to agree to get the test and then to show you the results before you get intimate.
Remember: you can get HPV and herpes even if you use a condom, so a test of sexual health combined with contraception is crucial to making sure you and your partner stay healthy.
The next time you get the urge to get down, think about these three simple ways you can improve your chances of staying healthy.
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Thanks for kicking the taboo on this one, K.
I’ve always been frustrated that the people who are most informed and willing to talk about STDs seem to be demonized for bringing up the sensitive subject. It’s surely a difficult conversation to have — script or no script — but I’m glad that you raise the issue so that we all become a little more comfortable with it all.
Keep ‘em coming!
So what do you do if you find out he ALREADY has an STD?
Great article – so helpful because it actually provides examples instead of merely encouraging a dialogue!
Check and check.
Fantastic article! It’s really helpful to give people a way to talk about testing and sexual health. We help people get tested for STDs every day at http://www.stdtestexpress.com. We took a look at why people aren’t getting tested and devised a great solution. Don’t have time? It takes 15 minutes to go to a laboratory test center. Don’t have a doctor? We work with a telemedicine network so you can talk to a doctor on the phone about your results. Embarrassed? We make it private. Don’t want to take off work? You don’t have to. Want fast results? You’ll get them in 3 days or less. Want a partner discount? We offer that too. We want people to get tested so we made it super easy, affordable, private and fast.