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New Year! New Site!

by Kaneisha on December 29, 2011

2012 will be upon us in just a few days, and I want to take the time to say heeeey to all of my readers and let you know about some exciting developments for 2012. The best word to describe 2011 was cuh-ray-zay (and not in a good way). I moved a lot, I wrangled with my book, and I went through a very serious breakup.

Some wonderful things about 2011, however, were that I went to the blogging conference Blogalicious in Washington DC for the first time and felt like I had landed in blogging paradise, surrounded by like-minded women from all over the nation. My friends in Baltimore gave me a wonderful send-off, and I am so grateful for the amazing women that made living there post-breakup not only bearable but fun! I also moved back to my hometown of Austin, Texas and I am so happy to be back in a city that I love surrounded by people that I love. My little sister is preggers with my two twin nephews, and I am super-excited to be the zany (and only) aunt! Tameka and I have especially enjoyed munching on Target concession stand popcorn and watching endless hours of Bravodashian TV. My two best friends from high school moved back to Austin recently, so I have partners in crime and fun. My cute little hometown has given itself a seriously sexy makeover, and I’ve enjoyed exploring the many restaurants and bars that have popped up in my absence. It’s like the city grew up in the last ten years as I grew up!

One of the best things about 2012 was that I hired a team of women to help me take my goals to the next level, which brings me to my news…

I finished the first draft of my book Be Your Own Boyfriend, and it is time to get this thang published!

All of my new developments and initiatives are consistent with my #1 goal of getting this book published and widely read:

I’ll be writing much more consistently–but not here. I have loved building up my tribe of Crazy Girls here at CrazyGirl Nation, but I no longer want to wave the banner of Crazy. I’m 28, y’all, and I do not want to be known as the Crazy Girl when I’m 35! Obviously, I’m still myself but I’ve really learned a lot in the last three years since I started devouring dating and self-improvement books, and I can honestly say I don’t have a lot of the same CrazyGirl tendencies that I used to. Perhaps I’ve matured, or perhaps I really started taking my own advice!

Writers need a platform not just to get a book deal but to actually sell their book once it’s published. Kaneisha.com is the place where I’ll be expanding my platform as a lifestyle writer (lifestyle writing is a fancy word for “dating, dating, dating, and oh yeah, some fashion and career advice too” writing). From now on, you can read my dating and happiness advice for women at Kaneisha.com. We will be publishing occasional flashback favorite posts from CrazyGirl Nation, so don’t worry that you’ll never be able to read the CrazyGirl Nation classics again!  I’m working really hard to put together a beautiful, fun, and informative site. We launch Kaneisha.com on Valentine’s Day, and we’re working hard to get lots of cool prizes to give away on launch day, so be sure to sign up for my mailing list so you can be one of the first people to come and see the new site!

I’ll be doing live events! I love writing and consider myself first and foremost a writer. However, I also love interacting with people live online and in person. The first such live online event is a free webinar I’m putting on called “Date like a Diva: How Online Dating Can Be Fun & Easy.” The webinar will be chock-full of my dating juju magic tricks (don’t be scared away by the string of crazy words) and the recording of the session will be sent out to everyone who registers ahead of time. There are only 100 spots available so sign up now so you can get your online dating on before Valentine’s Day sneaks up on you!

I’ll be pitching my book to agents and traveling the country. I’m putting together a kick-a** book proposal with the hopes of snagging a partnership with just the right publisher (and maybe even getting the book turned into a movie like they did with He’s Just Not That Into You… Wouldn’t that be cool?). While I wait to get just the right publisher, I’ll be hustling to build up my tribe of high-achieving women who want a heaping side dish of romance with all those degrees and fancy jobs. One such way in addition to writing consistently on Kaneisha.com and other sites is to actually meet people in person! I’ve submitted panel proposals to some of the largest and dreamiest conferences in the nation (at least for me), and I’ll be hearing back from all of them in the next 2-3 months. I plan to spend a fair portion of 2012 traveling to these different conferences to learn, connect, and have fun with like-minded folks–and especially women. The wonderful thing about building your own platform is that you don’t find the right publisher for your book, you can publish it yourself via Amazon and make sure that the people you want to reach with your message are able to get it.

I’m going to be on television! Well, more like your Macbook Pro monitor…but it’s going to be really amazing! I’ve hired a (very young but very smart) real live screenwriter/producer who is now toiling away to mastermind The Be Your Own Boyfriend Broadcast, a live monthly call-in web show where you can write and call in with all of your juiciest dating and happiness questions. Our first few episodes likely won’t be anything too fancy but it will get the job done and I know you’re going to love it. No longer will you have to leave your dating questions as comments on my posts or send me emails, wondering if your question will ever get answered. You can just call into the show and we can talk all about it, girlfriend.

I’m creating the Dating Encyclopedia. As I mentioned before, I have read what would be an embarrassing number of self-help and dating books (If I hadn’t claimed dating and self-help as my industry and life’s work, I would totally be embarrassed. Instead, I’m just dedicated to my craft…) and one of the strangest things I’ve found is how hard it is to find the information I need in the moment I need it! I end up randomly flipping through what I know is the right book but unable to find the page containing the explanation of the witty quip “Men don’t respond to words; they respond to no contact.” I didn’t go to Harvard for nothin’, and I’m going to put this nerd-brain to use! My team and I are currently working on cataloging the plethora of dating knowledge that I have accumulated and consumed over the years into a useful, searchable online database that we are currently calling the LoveWiki. You’ll be able to search the database 24/7 and submit new questions to have answered. The database will also contain “scripts” for approaching commonly held difficult conversations like the oh-so-awkward but very necessary STD test discussion. Think of it as your go-to guide for dating scenarios and awkward conversations.

You can now buy products and services! At Kaneisha.com, you’ll be able to buy one-on-one coaching, virtual classes, and even “done for you” online dating services like having my team give your online dating profile a major man-catching makeover. Though Kaneisha.com will have just as much dating deliciousness as I provide here at CrazyGirl Nation, I will definitely be running the site as a business. I have cultivated a treasure trove of knowledge and experience, and it’s time to start getting serious about scaling and monetizing my efforts. I hope that you’ll let me know which products and services sound most interesting to you as well as give me ideas for what kinds of online classes and services you’d be interested in having me offer!

I’ll be predicting your future. Long-term data shows that you lovely ladies here at CrazyGirl Nation love you some horoscopes, so we are working hard to write dating horoscopes for you that we’ll be providing to you every month for FREE! Our special Kaneisha.com twist to the horoscopes is that they will be based on dating persona type rather than your zodiac sign (didn’t we randomly get two new ones this year anyway?). So if you don’t know what your dating persona is yet, hop on over to OKCupid and take the test for free (I’m the Sonnet–go figure) and then join my mailing list so you can get your horoscope sent straight to your inbox every month.

Three easy ways you can help me is by fanning, following, and liking my stuff.

Follow me on twitter @KaneishaD.

Like my page on Facebook here.

Come and join the mailing list so you stay in the loop (no spam!).

Despite a rocky first 10 months, I’m really happy with how 2011 has ended and very excited about all of my projects for 2012. Most of all, I am grateful for my family, my friends, my amazing new team, my admissions consulting clients, and all of you here at CrazyGirl Nation. I hope you join me over at Kaneisha.com. It’s going to be just as much fun as we’ve had here at CrazyGirl Nation–and more!

So my beloved Crazy Girls (the last time I may ever say that phrase!), how can I help, serve, entertain, and delight you in 2012? What do you want to read about at Kaneisha.com? What services would you be interested in? What kinds of online classes would you want to have? How can I work with you and write for you to help make 2012 the best year yet?

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How to Meet a Man at a Conference

by Kaneisha on October 22, 2011

Right now, I’m writing to you all from my hotel room at Blogalicious 2011 in Washington DC, and I just had to come out of my cocoon of book-writing and admissions coaching wilderness to write a post, because I am astounded at the fact that 1) I have never been to a conference that wasn’t held by a student club (y’all know I’ve been in school most of my life) and 2) Conferences are great places to meet men!

First things first, the Blogalicious Conference is 98% comprised of women, and the men who are here are mostly married–with kids. Since I’ll be moving to Austin soon, man-hunting was nowhere on my agenda for this conference. However, in all my preparation and anticipation for this event, I never once stopped to think that I might meet a guy here. But I did! Within the first hour of being here in fact. Here’s the story:

I was walking back to my hotel, which is across the street from the conference hotel, and a man pulled up in his car beside me.

“Excuse me, can I talk to you?”

Here we go! “Yes…?”

“I was watching and listening to you inside, and your energy is amazing! You just glow!” he exclaimed. “Can I call you sometime?”

I smiled awkwardly and thanked him. “I don’t live here. I’m moving…” I said hesitantly.

“I can fly!” he said eagerly, and then followed up with, “You don’t have kids, do you? Or a husband? Okay, good.”

So yes, I gave him my card. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear from him (and frankly, I never, ever, ever want to do a long-distance relationship again so it’s probably a good thing). He gave me his card, but it’s mixed in with the hundreds of cards I’ve received from my new blogger friends at Blogalicious, so at the very least, I’ll be following him on Twitter! Despite the lack of a love connection, this experience opened my eyes to a huge source of man-meat that I had never thought of before: (said in the very excited deep Oprah voice) CONFERENCES!

So if you are going to a conference soon (or just went on Google and found one), here are some tips for meeting a man while you get your network on:

1) Bring your pretty game. Blogalicious is an exception, because there are so many beautiful women here! However, there are several conferences going on in this same hotel, and one thing I noticed was how many handsome, be-suited Black men were walking around and how frumpalicious so many of the women at the other conferences were! Granted, suits and mind-numbing panels will drain the sexy out of any woman’s face, but I wanted to run up to them and say, “Do you see how many men are here?! Pull it together!” But of course I didn’t. I just filed it away for myself and all of my CrazyGirls to remember that, even if you are going to an all-women conference, you want to look your best. This DOES NOT mean you should be “that girl” wearing the skin-tight mini-dress to the evening event. It just means that one of the biggest benefits of attending a conference is the tremendous amount of networking that goes on. When you are meeting people–men and women–you want to present yourself as confidently as you can. Looking great will help you exude that confidence. And remember to smile!

2) Bring your business cards. Professional conferences can be a bit socially awkward, since a bunch of people of similar age and interest are in one place but aren’t necessarily sure of each other’s relationship status. Rather than making some guy ask for your number, just have your business cards ready. During a conversation, you can exchange business cards and follow up with one another professionally. If love is in the air, great. If not, you still have a great contact, and maybe a new friend.

3) Approach people. Now, I am usually 100% against women approaching men, chasing men, asking men on dates, etc. but at a conference, I think it is 100% okay to approach a man and start a conversation. Just be sure to keep it casual-professional and appropriate, because the last thing you want is to make a fool of yourself batting your eyelashes at a married man (and perhaps lose an important business contact in the process). I’m very outgoing and energetic, so approaching people is no problem for me. However, if you are more introverted, practice approaching strangers first with women who are at least 15 years older or younger than you. I’ve noticed that women who are much older or much younger than me warm up to me quickly–probably because the younger girls think I’m cool (I wish) and the older women find me amusing. Once you see how friendly and open people are to meeting new people at conferences (that’s what we’re all here for!), you’ll build up the courage to approach some guys. DO NOT approach men with the purpose of flirting; just have a friendly conversation and get to know them.

4) Follow up. Whether it’s men or women, you should be sure to follow up with the people you’ve met at the conference to let them know you enjoyed the conversation, and to propose another discussion if the two of you are going to continue brainstorming/networking/masterminding/etc. When you follow up with the people you’ve met, you keep the relationship going–and if a guy is interested, he’ll speak up at some point. Just don’t follow up flirtatiously or unprofessionally.

Some final big DO NOTs:

  • Do not bring a man back to your hotel room. Unless you are looking for a one-night stand (and the awkwardness/embarrassment of having to see him at events for the rest of the weekend), there is no reason for you to invite a man back to your room or to go to his.
  • Do not sit around with your girl friends talking at length about the hottie across the room. First of all, other people are going to hear you and it might negatively affect their professional opinion of you, and secondly, you should be forging relationships–not pining! Talk to him or shut up about it.
  • Do not drink too much. Conferences are notorious for the amount of wine, beer, and cocktails that flow during the social events. Don’t be the drunk girl who makes a fool of herself and then has to face everyone in the morning with a hangover and a vague memory of backin’ that thang up with the keynote speaker.

And lastly…

I want to give a shout-out to some of the single (as far as I know) blogalicious men I did meet here at the conference, and say that I hope we get to collaborate and meet in person again in the future:

Martin Johnson Pratt – (@iluvblackwomen) a sweet and hilarious social media strategy genius who patiently wrangled/argued/arm-twisted me into snagging the @CrazyGirlNation twitter name (before some random arch-enemy did, forcing me to have one of those annoyingly long Twitter names like @NoReallyImTheRealCrazyGirlNation).

Jesse Jones (@iamjessejones), an inspiring brand-builder and dream cultivator with a crazy-impressive resume and eye-candy wardrobe who I hope is going to be my manager (not to mention he has a very high dreaminess quotient).

Damon Young (@VerySmartBros), co-founder of the ridiculously popular and no-longer-intimidating-to-me site Very Smart Brothas who gave me some great advice on growing CrazyGirlNation–and who I am going to trick into being my mastermind buddy (I have a feeling he hates words like mastermind, but that’s okay).

Now that I’ve equipped you with my best tips, go find yourself a conference and snag yourself a man (or at least a social media strategist, manager, and mastermind buddy)!

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What it Means to be Successful

September 6, 2011

Whether you want to master the art of parenting, skiing, painting, sales, hairdressing, or fabulous living, know that taking the time to think about what matters most to you–and being willing to dedicate the time and effort to truly master that thing–means you will inevitably be successful. Because there’s joy and fulfillment in working hard to be excellent at something that matters to you.

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How to Prepare for a Hurricane in Style

August 26, 2011

Disclaimer: I’m a blogger–not an expert. Be sure to reference official hurricane preparedness websites to make sure that you and your family are prepared. An important lesson I learned while living in Cuba is that being prepared is sexy. In 2004, I arrived to Cuba three days after Hurricane Charlie and served as the hurricane [...]

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Date with Kate: Should I leave my rude and crude boyfriend?

August 12, 2011

CrazyGirl Nation Reader Question: Ok, so i know you get a million emails about this but I’m having issues with my boyfriend. He has stopped respecting me, he is rude and crude and does things that are inappropriate. He ditches me and makes me feel bad about it. All my friends tell me to ditch [...]

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Date with Kate: What to do if your boyfriend doesn’t buy you gifts or take you on dates

July 27, 2011

Reader Question: Hi, my name is Pallavi and I am from India! I read your articles and follow your blog and I think its super cool! Well, I have a problem. I have been dating my guy for over two years now. And in these two years, he hasn’t gifted me a thing. Every time [...]

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Date with Kate: What to do if you always feel jealous and insecure in relationships

July 20, 2011

CrazyGirl Nation Reader Question: Hey there! I’ve recently stumbled across your site and I seriously adore it! I actually don’t feel so out of place anymore because not a lot of my friends understand my ”crazy girl” tendencies…they seem so mellowed out in their relationships while I’m a raving child sometimes… I was wondering if [...]

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Your Confused Boyfriend Will Come Back

July 14, 2011

At least three times a week, I get a broken-hearted, frantic email from a young woman whose boyfriend has said the dreaded “I don’t know what I want” words. She has turned to the internet for answers and relief, and finds my post When He Says He Doesn’t Know What He Wants. After reading the [...]

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Date with Kate: Can I Contact My Guy Who Doesn’t Know What He Wants?

July 14, 2011

Hello, my Crazy Girls. I want to introduce you to my friend Kate. She’s a fabulous fan of CrazyGirl Nation who is a real live therapist. She’s going to be answering reader questions weekly, giving me lots of time to work on my book and to dream up new posts for all of you. It [...]

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How to Be Less Controlling in Your Relationship

June 28, 2011

In all of my relationships, I have struggled with the seemingly unstoppable urge to control almost every aspect of the relationship. Today, I provide advice to a reader from Sydney, Australia on how she can curb the need to control–especially since her boyfriend is a recent ex. Watch below to see what advice I give [...]

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